I Hate Donald Trump

To be clear, I despise this man. Okay? I don't want to be accused of partisan bias here, because that is NOT the point of this message.
I'm Jim Fenolio, and I deeply despise Donald Trump. I think that anyone who says "grab them by the pussy" is not only unfit for the presidency, but unfit to call themselves a lot of the 'positive spin' adjectives he likes to use. I think he's a dishonest con man looking to bilk the US out of billions of dollars for his own personal gain. I think he's morally bankrupt and will say/do whatever his base will support. That's why he'll ignore environmental laws and immigration laws to build the wall, because his base has a lot of people who think immigrants are all rapists and murderers...wonder where they'd get that idea. I don't like Donald Trump.
But when I look at the image below (a screenshot I took about 5 minutes ago from Yahoo main page) I see that at this moment, according to Yahoo, who I think is more than a little liberally slanted (which is absolutely their right), that the most important thing they can focus on and tell you about is that in the face of this natural disaster, Trump is golfing. From that same image, there's a story about the Bahamas pleading for help. Yahoo chose to make sure to get a dig in on Trump, above making sure that people were aware that the Bahamas are in a bad way. That's point 1.
Point 2 is simply that Dorian is a force of nature. On a scope and scale that humanity isn't even remotely close to standing up to. Sure we know how to make buildings more earthquake proof, but I promise you...the earth has a shaker built into it that would render the best minds and buildings to rubble. Not to say we don't try to mitigate the damage, but come on...for hurricanes the best we've come up with is to put sand in bags and stack them up and hope nature doesn't decide to just ignore our puny attempts to thwart it and wreak pure havoc. All we can do is put our best attempt to protect ourselves into practice and hope it's enough. Does anyone think that this man golfing in ANY way will affect the outcome of Dorian? The person that for decades has held the title of "Most Powerful Man on Earth" can't do anything. Do we really think that the internal workings of the government today are all that different than Obama when it comes to trying to defend our citizens against this kind of threat? Does anyone really think that Trump told the best minds to go home and enjoy the long weekend? Or are there likely hundreds if not thousands of actual experts still trying to coordinate evacuation paths, etc.? Is Trump really a key cog in that machine? <Remember, I hate this guy okay?> I say no. I say at this point, politics and policy of the last few hundred years have built a system that we are bringing to bear as best we can. Thousands of years of economic and scientific development, all weighing down on this one moment as humanity (yet again) braces to deal with the aftermath of nature doing what it does. A tempest will be just that. <----Tool Reference. From that perspective, calling out Trump for golfing today is functionally no different than if Fox News had criticized Obama during one of these for going to Camp David with his family to ride it out. They both engaged the government resources as best they can (relatively) and then surrendered control and went off to try and do exactly what most people are doing. Forgetting for a moment that millions of lives are at stake (our own included) and trying to occupy their minds with something they can understand/control. That is point 2. Nothing this man can do will help in any way, and my gut says that even he gave his best marching orders to the agencies involved. So choosing to be outraged by this, and put it as their top story, is a bit telling about Yahoo and their biases and priorities.
Not that I besmirch them that right, but there is a second level to this which is that there are people out there (lots in fact) that take things like Yahoo (or Fox News, or CNN, or The Daily Show, or George Carlin, etc.) seriously as though it is, coming down a few orders of magnitude, "gospel". As if these people speak an objective truth, just because it resonates with our own personal biases, so we can't help but be influenced. John Hemm, I assure you there is a dude (somewhere in the backwoods of Klan land) that believes with every bit of certainty and every bit to his core that you are a wretched sinner and don't deserve god's love. He believes that with every fiber of his being, in the same way that you believe in being true to yourself with every fiber of yours. And if all this was, ended up being about thought. Private thought never shared or never acted upon, I would defend his right as a human (above as an American) to feel how he feels. Just as I'd defend yours. When this comes into the real world and political sphere, things change...but at it's core, I think letting humans try to live a life as they choose is paramount. So long as that "life living" doesn't negatively impact a single other humans ability to have the same freedom. And whenever those lines conflict, it's up to society and our legal system to protect the rights of both parties as best they can. Let that ignorant, hating, son of a bitch suffer in the life of anger that has to exist in their heart. That is truly their punishment. And you John Hemm, you go out and be you (as you do, with zero fucks given...and for that you're a hero of mine), and at that moment I'd say you have objectively won. You end up in a world of love and self love, he ends up in a world of hate and I have to imagine self-doubt. In this world, how could he not? Liberal morality running rampant (for the better IMO), he must constantly feel like everyone (or most everyone) hates him and his 'kind'. So he latches onto the only support group he has. Likeminded bigots. And can we all see the echo chamber here? And John Hemm, sorry to keep invoking you here, but would you honestly say that there isn't some "echo chamber" in that gay community? Not to say you don't absolutely deserve that kind of unwavering support, because you do. You absolutely do. But in an ironic sense, doesn't some of that just fan the flames of conflict? Not that it shouldn't. If you feel like your personal belief 'bubble' is being threatened, I'd expect you to defend it with all the vigor you can muster. And in the end, the right side will 'win'. I'd only ask that you remember that you're fighting for your bubble, and they are fighting for theirs. And the more we opt to make that fight/engagement an angry one (a war in a way), the more entrenched our enemy will get. It's human nature. And maybe for the individual that tries to walk across that battlefield, being slaughtered by the enemy or ostracized by our friends it would be a HUGE sacrifice. Wouldn't those exact people who walked into the fray to try to deescalate the conflict be heralded by both sides as heroes?
How much of the latter half of that last paragraph did you read as a "biased" individual? Intentionally I didn't use any right/left, good/bad, democrat/republican, etc. verbiage in there. I let your own biases fill in the intrinsic good/bad sides. Go back and reread it and ask yourself if you actually believe the person on "the other side" would feel differently.
Getting back to the core of this post, I'd then ask anyone of any belief system. Stop thinking in terms of good-bad or right-wrong, and instead think in terms of how your "bizarro-you" (comic book reference to Superman and his evil twin, that is opposite him in every way) might see this exact same news article. For someone with a strong liberal bias, this probably fits in well with the human characteristic of confirmational bias. Simply stated that the world is too vast to ever understand it all, so we have to rely on the collective wisdom of society (filtered through the biases of our own experience) for information and we just have to trust some of it. Your parent's say don't touch something because it's hot. Their stern demeanor is probably scary for a child and you get a negative feedback. You touch that hot thing and you get a BIGGER negative feedback. Your mom says "Jesus is your savior", or, "there is no god". You're an infant monkey...how do you challenge that? You don't. It becomes part of the core you (WITH BIASES). Equally a person with a strong conservative bias might see the same article and think that it's just another example of the "Fake News" contingent. And in this case, I'd agree with them.
I'm Jim Fenolio and I think that Donald Trump as President of the USA is a stain on the very fabric of what this country is meant to be. And that same Jim Fenolio says that this movement toward collective outrage for the sake of outrage is getting out of hand. The media outlets that have given in to political biases and are looking to capture a short term uptick in viewers because they tickle the appropriate fear buttons (Fox and MSNBC both do this btw) which in turn gets clicks and views. They are NOT serving your best interest. They are serving a purpose however. The world actually is too complex for us to on a second by second basis actually come to terms with. It just is. We can spend 13+ years in school learning what society tells us to learn, but at the end of the day, there is a practical extension of those lessons that get replaced with "news". Good or bad, right or wrong, we jack in to the news (used to do it via newspapers, radio, and TV and to a degree still do) and try to filter that information to help us have a greater sense of self, and how we collectively fit in a world that is just too damn big to actually wrap our heads around. Can we really fault someone for "picking the wrong" media outlet? Or worse, blame them for having an upbringing that to a degree picked it for them? Can you really blame a Muslim for being a Muslim, raised in an Islamic family any more than you could blame a Christian for being raised by Christian parents?
And if any of that makes sense, isn't it fair to say that we all, collectively and individually, have our own biases (as do the societies we're born into) and that maybe...just maybe the people who seem to run counter to us are actually almost exactly the same? They want love, acceptance, food, water, sex, housing, a new BMW, the perfect spouse, an amazing job, money (and by extension the freedom that comes with it), and did I mention acceptance? Aren't those all to some degree core themes to the basic beings of all humans? I mean obviously aside from the BMW comment. Mercedes is obviously superior. <-------sarcasm, in case that's not clear. But yeah, if the only thing that's really wrong with our "enemy" is that maybe they were raised in an environment that runs directly counter to your beliefs (be they political, sexual, or otherwise) and as such are actually someone that is fundamentally the same as we are...if we could just look past that one thing. So that's what I'm asking here. Try to look past that one thing. Don't diminish it, nor the impact that doing so directly has on your views of self and being. But just try to imagine that this person isn't really your enemy, just someone that is different, and CANT HELP THEMSELVES but to act in accordance with their own biases. Just like you.
In essence, what I'm asking of everyone is just to try. Just try to remember that just because it comes from Fox News doesn't make it bad okay? Just because a gay person says it, doesn't mean it's tainted with sin. And just because a liberal says "Let the gays get married", they're not trying to fuck with your religion and to destroy the sanctity of what society has classically defined as marriage.
Sidenote: I don't think you're likely to find a lot of gays trying to get married in religious venues that actively discourage their lifestyle. They're not trying to do that. They're trying to get the same rights as you get by marrying a woman in the legal system we have today. Like it or not, there are financial benefits to being married in this country. There are tax incentives. There are legal ramifications when it comes to how we treat death and property. There just is something (somethingS actually) that married people have access to, that couples who aren't married don't. So from an equality standpoint they're just trying to get equal treatment. I'd guess that the government doing away with the current involvement with marriage would be equally acceptable to them, but UNBELIEVABLY bad for supporters of traditional marriage. Aside over.
I truly believe that most people in this world are just trying to "get along". There's way too much evidence I've seen where people across all backgrounds and beliefs react to certain things (go watch any video on YouTube that talks about fair play in sports), specifically the things that we all hold as "the best of us". Watching a person help an old lady across the street, or someone stepping between a bully and his victim, tends to draw a positive swell of emotion in most people. I can't define it, and maybe it hasn't been defined. Or maybe we live in a time where we can objectively understand why this happens. What I do believe (because injuncting knowledge here seems a bit arrogant) is that there are central things to us all that if we can fight the urge to equate outsiders and their beliefs as intrinsically bad, we can start to connect with others we might have been unable to before.
I'll leave you with this, and I'll post the video in the comments if anyone wants it. I've posted it before. It's from a TED talk where a black guy got in contact with (as I remember) a grand wizard of the KKK and started out getting an interview. That oddly led to him attending KKK rallies, and eventually the wizard having to justify to his flock that this black guy isn't an enemy, just some lesser being...which in turn broke off completely because I guarantee that one day he was faced with accepting this guy as an equal human. A guy he has seen and interacted with regularly. A guy that in all other ways has become a friend to him. And then he realized that no person he called a friend can possibly be less than him. So the hate disappeared. The black guy was essentially one of those brave enemies that threw their hands up in surrender for the greater good. And objectively, I think the world ended up a better place. One less person who is focused so much on hating another (for whatever reason, no matter how solid the justification), and one more example of where real humanity and the ability to break down barriers get's logged in the history books. So remember that. A black guy infiltrated the KKK and broke one of their leaders away from that message. Don't see the others as potential converts to "your way" of thinking. See them as humans just trying to live their lives, treat them as such and I suspect humanity will thank you. Every little act of defiance to our biases is a victory. Even if you challenge that bias and still come away committed to what it says/means...just the fact that you were humble enough to doubt and make a decision willfully is a victory.
Love your friends. And love your enemies too. Remember that they love someone (wife/child/parent) with all the same passion as you, and if you ever looked past the differences I'd bet you'd find someone you'd be willing to befriend...or love...or sacrifice for...or even die for. Not for their causes and choices, but for the person inside once you've dispensed with the impulse to distrust or hate them for being different.

The War On Christmas

There IS a war on Christmas, and it's very real. But it's not what you think.
Imagine you're a Christian, maybe 1000 years ago. If we've even begun to scratch the surface of what we think of today as scientific understanding and certainty, we've really only done just that. Scratched the surface. But also imagine that you...the Christian human, is also (from a genetic perspective) just one of a number of offshoots of the brand "Monkey" in existence today. Admittedly the most advanced intellectual monkey, but monkey you are my Christian friend. Even if the religious dogma tries to convince you otherwise, but that's okay. It has to be this way, trust me. Anyway, imagine you're this Christian (monkey) with a curiosity for understanding the world around you. You know, that innate thing all humans seem to be born with. A passion to learn and discover. But there is no lens of science that you have access to (born too early, luck of the draw) so you do the best you can with the tools you have. One BIG tool you have is your faith and your belief that Jesus is your savior and as such a beacon so true and steady in your life, that no matter what happens, you'll always have THAT ONE THING. And because everyone around you is in the same boat, limited by the lack of scientific lens access, the collective minds come together and form a sphere of influence that becomes an echo chamber for like minded thought. I mean, who wouldn't want to feel like their thoughts and opinions mattered? And what better way to validate that reward system than to have others agree with you? To have others resonate with that central being of you. And it will, across the centuries.
Now I want you to imagine the passage of the last 1000 years as the rapid ripping of the mindset of that Christian (monkey) through time, and how that would feel. Yanking them through the metaphorical looking glass of science, and every impact is a threat to the central belief...THAT ONE THING...is under fire. Could you blame that person for feeling like Christianity was being attacked? That on some level, hearing "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" is just another bullet being fired in that war...on THAT ONE THING?
Not to excuse away the backlash that happens, as it will. We are all monkeys remember? We have conflict, and there are ways to resolve it. So if you shake a persons core, they're likely going to shake back okay? But there is a perspective to it that at least demands empathy. To some, myself included, it can be easy to label these people as misguided. But what is that if not an expression of our monkey brain attacking outsiders? No matter how irrational it may seem to us, we owe it to ourselves to remember that they can, and will, with every ounce of determination equal to that which you bring, see you as equally irrational. And if you can make that concession. That your enemy is no more your enemy because they hold different beliefs, than they are because they are made up of different atoms than you are. If you can make that leap...
You'll realize that through their eyes, and the eyes of THAT ONE THING there is a war. And it's not against just the unbelievers, and the perceived assault on their faith, but against the ever changing structure of the world revealed by science.
That my friends, is the War on Christmas.
As seen through the eyes of an atheist.
Trying to imagine why a Christian might feel like there is a War on Christmas.
Afterthought:
In rereading this, I hope that at least one person I know who is an atheist read this and when I say "Imagine you're a Christian from 1000 year ago" they actually tried to square the atheist-to-believer circle. And equally, I hope that a Christian friend of mine reads this, and the only circle they have to square is "holy shit, it's 1000 years ago". The hope here is that they each read the exact same words, arrive at the exact same place <something like love is everything> and yet they are experiencing a fundamentally different reality, but in the same place. Like standing back to back, and each only seeing half the universe and so to them, their half is "the light", and the other is "dark". But it's only relative to perspective. That would be an amazing journey to behold.

Don't Fear What Lies in the Darkness

I'm not exactly sure why I somehow had convinced myself that this journey to self discovery was going to be a scenic walk along some golden path.  It's rather ignorant in fact (obvious in retrospect) to think that any journey that leads one out of a dark place would not in and of itself have to encounter that darkness.  Two quotes keep bouncing around in my head.

"I never said it would be easy, I said it would be worth it"

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen"

The former being just a reiteration of what I think I really need right now is a reminder that there is a reason for what I'm going through, even the stuff I might not want to face.  Change is never easy, but growth requires it, and the harsh reality is that personal growth can only come at the expense of honest assessment of places one might not like to have such a light shone on...our failures.  And the reality is that the deeper and darker the place, the more it will resist the light being shone on it. 

To the latter quote, I can only say that I was exposed to this idea by a very wise person.  I also think that this individual should know that I can see the full extent of the context in what was said, and when it was said.  It may be a retroactive realization but in all reality it always was going to be.  So to that individual (you know who you are) know that I too feel caught in the whims of the universe, pulling me toward the realization of my own decision(s).

Tying these two things together, I think we all have choices to make, and we all do our best to make the right ones.  Sometimes these choices are clear, but more often than not a decision comes clouded in what we would refer to as finding the lesser of two evils.  A third quote real quick:

"When facing a two way decision, flip a coin.  Not because it will decide for you, but while it is in the air, you heart will know which choice you hope comes up."

I like this quote.  And I thought it held a fundamental truth in it.  I still believe it in concept, but I also recognize that there are times when the heart can be so perfectly divided that instead of one thing coming clear, the two opposing positions only seem to grow more strongly entrenched and as the coin falls you realize that some things might best be left unresolved.  Or more appropriately some decisions are better left unmade until we can gain greater understanding of them. 

One thing I am painfully aware of right now is that I have been hovering on a decision for a long time now.  I have also failed to find any contrast in the decision, and out of fear of making the wrong decision I chose inaction...at least in some ways.  I think that my fear of digging into what really ails me, what flaw I carry to the core drove me to paralysis, and perhaps has been doing so for many years. 

"If you chose not to decide, you still have made a choice"

As much as it pains me to think of a variety of the ramifications of what has happened recently I do know that one thing I am grateful for is that someone has helped make the decision for me.  I'm scared to death right now of what I'm going to unearth along the way, but I also recognize that I cannot continue to hide from all of this.  I have a drive to see myself to a "better place" and I can only get there if I can honestly face up to things that I have buried deep within.  I can only overcome those drains to my being if I stop ignoring them.  Yes, I am afraid.  And no, I don't have any grand plan at this point as to how to go about this, but I think I know my first step.

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

I think it's high time I took a step.

Ranting About Gonzo

*****WARNING.  EXPLICIT LYRICS WITHIN.  AVERT YOUR EYES!!!!!!!*****

Having just powered through my first Hunter S. Thompson novel (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas), I am struck by a host of thoughts and emotions that have my brain in a frenzy trying to both comprehend, and tolerate at a cognitive level.  The one thing that I can’t deny is that there is an openness, a frankness that speaks to me.  It goes beyond the casual connection and seems to touch on a much deeper issue which, if not directly connects to, most certainly alludes to the meaning of life.  Or in a more appropriate sense, the American Dream.

I won’t be a stranger when it comes to the concept (or the practice, on a limited basis) of mind altering substances, but I’d be lying to say that there isn’t a part of me that almost wonders if there would be an even greater depth to this book either; having had some of the mentioned chemical inducements, or possibly being under the influence of some at the time.  

“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me.”

Not that I’m pining for the depths of depravity of a man on an ether binge, but there must be something to be said for the state of mind (or state of HIS mind) as a consequence.  But as I process the ridiculous notion of actions where consequence seems almost like an afterthought, I have to admit that there is an earnestness to our national identity that we forcibly constrain on account of “socially acceptable” behavior.  But ultimately freedom is an extreme concept, and a very new one at that.  The “system” doesn’t want to change, and the conventional practices don’t listen to little voices.  Real change can only come from a message yelled at full volume.

“When you bring an act into this town, you want to bring it in heavy.  Don’t waste any time with cheap shucks and misdemeanors.  Go straight for the jugular.  Get right into the felonies.”

For some people, life is a number.  It’s an age.  For others, it is a consequence, a balancing of needs and ways to serve them.  But for some people I think life is about something more.  Life in its essence is about standing at the boundaries of “reality” and wondering what happens if we push.  I mean, in a nation born of rebellion on account of a refusal to submit to oppressive authority, who’s to say where the line really must be drawn.  Sure, morality may creep in here and have a word or two about the conflicting rights of one vs. the many, or even one vs. one.  But in some sense aren’t casualties inevitable whenever the pendulum swings in any direction?  The question starts to become then aren’t we really then just arguing over who is swinging the bats? 

I don’t consider myself to be a true antiestablishment guy, other than to say that I think Jefferson nailed it with:

“The course of history shows that as a government grows, liberty decreases”

And if history has shown us anything else, it’s that the power structure does not like to give up its power.  Whether it’s Bobby Kennedy’s deal with the devil to protect the lives of the freedom riders in exchange for their constitutional freedom, or that joke of a compound we call Gitmo.  Personal freedoms, and personal liberties should not be handed out by the select few to the masses on a case by case basis.  And they sure as fuck shouldn’t be doled out only after violent conflict.  The ultimate irony is that without the boundaries he pushed, Hunter would either have never been a rebel in any true sense, or he would have driven off that launch pad, dynamite in tow.  Either way, his voice wouldn’t be such a beacon of hope to people so vehemently against oppression. 

But what really separates Hunter from Abbie?  What separates Martin from Malcolm?  I mean really?  Well other than a degree of intoxication and some big ass guns?  What are we if not a nation of dissenters yearning for freedom?  Well, in 2012 standards, I’d say we’re America circa 2012.  A disenfranchised body of citizens who are letting a Mayor decide that 17 oz of “sugary beverage” is too much of a leap beyond common sense that the average adult can’t grasp it.  “Can I get a 64oz big gulp?”  “Nope, but here, have four 16oz ones instead”.   Yeah, that makes sense.  Penn, as so often hits the mark for me. 

“The message, IS the message”

And what pray tell is this message, in so far as the context from the sixties to today?  We’ve traded down from Rosa Parks to Bloomberg and the all out war on common sense freedoms.  Where is Hunter?  Well apart from the obvious.  Has the national consciousness gone so far awry that we could actually have a single day where the arguments over “big soda” and “doma” would actually get equal footing in “reporting”.  I mean, I know we can’t trust more than 2% of any given report coming from Fox News or MSNBC without a GIANT fucking grain of salt.  But really lol-media?  Fire Dan Rather because he had the audacity to speak out against GWB and the Iraq war?  Come the fuck on.  It’s like we’re a nation of codified sissies on the sidelines discontent with the status of America, and no sense of why.  Gee I wonder.  Seemed like a good idea at the time to spare the public the gory details of our soldiers getting killed.  But maybe that’s what we need, a connection to the harsh realities.  I mean, if we get this bent out of shape over SODA, where is the radical movement marching on DC to speak out against any number of real issues of personal liberties being stripped from the public?  And God forbid someone like Hunter were to go Gonzo to pull back all the harder. 

Not surprisingly I’ve drifted WAY off course here.  But let’s get back on topic.  I want to understand (at some level at least) the perception of what it must have been like to see the world through Hunters eyes.  I know there is a boundary there that I could never consciously relent to, but there is a connection to the human experience that I think eludes the vast majority of our species because we can’t embrace letting go, at least not at a fundamental level.  Not that control isn’t in and of itself an illusionary construct of our own minds to beat back the fear, but what separates us in this regard has to be a mental check that few can make.  It’s like being on a train flying down the track toward a GIANT wall and certain death.  We the rational mass look for the breaks.  Few people stoke the fire.   Not that I would ever want to hasten the end, but in all honesty can anyone really say that there isn’t some profound experience to be gleaned from it.  My guess is that Hunter lost the battle when he couldn’t feed the fire anymore.  

"No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your (old) age. Relax — This won't hurt."

Yeah, I’m a regular Sherlock Holmes to figure that one out.  

But really.  At its core, isn’t this what we huddled masses need?  Since we’re obviously too wrapped up in our own lives to worry about the greater tragedy of a system gone wrong.  Don’t we need a half crazed lunatic to grab whatever center there is and yank it back from the hands of those who would take power from the people?  In an unjust world, shouldn’t it stand to reason that any TRUE justice would by extension have to be unjust in its own terms?  So yeah, maybe in a world where the message has been warped beyond recognition, someone needs to come along and remind us what the message should be.  Or what it’s been all along, but there just aren’t enough champions to go out and challenge the abuses by the system, with abuses of the system. 

8:15 Endoscopy

So, sitting here in the waiting room at the endoscopy clinic, having been informed 10 minutes ago that Angela is next, and they're just "waiting for a bed" my thought progression is something like this...

-They're waiting for a bed to become vacated
-They're waiting for the bed to be delivered
-They're waiting for the bed to be assembled
-They're waiting for the bed to be invented

Not exactly sure where I go from there, but I think it might be

-They're waiting for time to be invented

The comedy of errors from this morning wouldn't fly on a prime time sitcom.  Nobody could suspend disbelief this long.  So here we sit.  It's 9:30 now, for an 8:15 appointment.  How does an office start out an hour and fifteen minutes behind, an hour and fifteen minutes after they open?  That's a good question.  I don't have an answer, but I GUARANTEE someone within fifty feet knows. 

So anyway.  Per the doctors instructions, she hasn't eaten or drank any liquids since midnight.  Nor has she taken her heartburn medication.  Now we've been in this waiting room (which is at least 80 degrees) and she's hungry, thirsty, and in pain.  All this is a bummer in and of itself, but here's the real torture.  There are two drinking fountains 5 feet away.  How do you make people sit on discomfort, hot, thirsty, and late.  And then tease them with water they can't drink.  I mean, just fry up some bacon why don't you.  So it goes. 
Okay, so it's 9:45 and they found us a bed.  I guess it went out for coffee and a Danish.  In Denmark.  Angela has donned the gown, and is waiting for the doctor/nurse/technician to show up.  Hopefully that process will go a little quicker than the bed excursion.  the way I figure it, they could have conceived a child, given birth, raised the kid, sent him/her to endoscopy school, flown them to Odessa, and had them do the procedure and it'd still be quicker...so we're good. 

10:00 - she's got the IV in, and now they're taking her medical history.  "where else do you have tattoos?"  Is that really pertinent to the endoscope?  "do you have heartburn?"  No we're here because we couldn't think of anything better to do on a Friday.  Oh, and the yelly/deaf combo just came back into the procedure room.  Wait for it.  Wait for it.  Yep, my eardrums just ruptured.

10:15 people outside the curtain are talking about rabbits.  And the yelly lady is getting into the conversation.  Please God.  Don't let that be the nurses.  I'm starting to think they're inventing the camera just for this procedure.  Hopefully they're past the glass invention phase.  Glad I ate a banana this morning (aka 3 hours ago) otherwise I might be hungry.  <dripping sarcasm>  Prozac.  I love you.  I'm positive I'd have melted down by now a few months back.

10:30 Yelly lady has a stutter.  I don't know why but I never realized that  happens in other languages.  Go ahead, point and laugh.  I deserve it.  The theme song to Final Jeopardy is playing on a loop in my head.  Yay, they're taking her back.  Only 2:15 minutes late. 

10:45 Chillin (literally as it's 60 degrees in here) in the waiting room, watching two...not one, but TWO office staff ignoring a ringing phone because there way too wrapped up in their conversation.  I want to go John C. McGinley from Office Space.  "what would you say you do here?"  And oh freezing Jesus, the AC just kicked on in here.  Thankfully the cold is forcing me into hibernation, so I'm not hungry anymore. 
 
11:00 Well at least the procedure was quick, headed back to go get her.  Okay nurse lady, I get that she needs to wake up, but could you be a little less of a bitch about it?  I mean seriously, given how patient we've been up until now...no slack?  Really?  At least we're finally out of here. 

In case anyone wants the full list of all the mornings hits, here they are
-Office running late
-Deaf guy in a wheelchair having a conversation in Spanish roughly the volume of a jet engine
-Lady obsessed with Michael McDonald, and if she doesn't shut up, yammo gonna burn this place to the ground
-The procedure room door, when it closes, sounds like it's farting. 
-The guy having a conversation on his phone, telling someone about the ads in the magazine he's leafing through. 
-The guy (same guy actually) having a conversation with someone else about the ads in the same magazine.
-The guy (guess who) having a conversation about how he won't vote for a guy because he doesn't trust "those damn Chinese people".  Oh, but the good news is that he tells his grandkids "all the time" they are going to get taken over by China.  I do love passing on bigotry.
-$200 copay up front so we can't just leave
-300lb man came into the waiting room and IMMEDIATELY complained that they need "more space in here".  The irony of that comment made me laugh.
-Fighting the urge to go over and have a pseudo orgasm while slurping water from the fountain in front of all the people who can't drink.  But even I am not THAT much of a dick. 
-No toilet paper in the bathroom.
-One waiting room is 60 degrees, the other is 80. 
-If possession is nine tenths of the law, is perception nine tenths of reality?  If so, I'm in the twilight zone.