8:15 Endoscopy

So, sitting here in the waiting room at the endoscopy clinic, having been informed 10 minutes ago that Angela is next, and they're just "waiting for a bed" my thought progression is something like this...

-They're waiting for a bed to become vacated
-They're waiting for the bed to be delivered
-They're waiting for the bed to be assembled
-They're waiting for the bed to be invented

Not exactly sure where I go from there, but I think it might be

-They're waiting for time to be invented

The comedy of errors from this morning wouldn't fly on a prime time sitcom.  Nobody could suspend disbelief this long.  So here we sit.  It's 9:30 now, for an 8:15 appointment.  How does an office start out an hour and fifteen minutes behind, an hour and fifteen minutes after they open?  That's a good question.  I don't have an answer, but I GUARANTEE someone within fifty feet knows. 

So anyway.  Per the doctors instructions, she hasn't eaten or drank any liquids since midnight.  Nor has she taken her heartburn medication.  Now we've been in this waiting room (which is at least 80 degrees) and she's hungry, thirsty, and in pain.  All this is a bummer in and of itself, but here's the real torture.  There are two drinking fountains 5 feet away.  How do you make people sit on discomfort, hot, thirsty, and late.  And then tease them with water they can't drink.  I mean, just fry up some bacon why don't you.  So it goes. 
Okay, so it's 9:45 and they found us a bed.  I guess it went out for coffee and a Danish.  In Denmark.  Angela has donned the gown, and is waiting for the doctor/nurse/technician to show up.  Hopefully that process will go a little quicker than the bed excursion.  the way I figure it, they could have conceived a child, given birth, raised the kid, sent him/her to endoscopy school, flown them to Odessa, and had them do the procedure and it'd still be quicker...so we're good. 

10:00 - she's got the IV in, and now they're taking her medical history.  "where else do you have tattoos?"  Is that really pertinent to the endoscope?  "do you have heartburn?"  No we're here because we couldn't think of anything better to do on a Friday.  Oh, and the yelly/deaf combo just came back into the procedure room.  Wait for it.  Wait for it.  Yep, my eardrums just ruptured.

10:15 people outside the curtain are talking about rabbits.  And the yelly lady is getting into the conversation.  Please God.  Don't let that be the nurses.  I'm starting to think they're inventing the camera just for this procedure.  Hopefully they're past the glass invention phase.  Glad I ate a banana this morning (aka 3 hours ago) otherwise I might be hungry.  <dripping sarcasm>  Prozac.  I love you.  I'm positive I'd have melted down by now a few months back.

10:30 Yelly lady has a stutter.  I don't know why but I never realized that  happens in other languages.  Go ahead, point and laugh.  I deserve it.  The theme song to Final Jeopardy is playing on a loop in my head.  Yay, they're taking her back.  Only 2:15 minutes late. 

10:45 Chillin (literally as it's 60 degrees in here) in the waiting room, watching two...not one, but TWO office staff ignoring a ringing phone because there way too wrapped up in their conversation.  I want to go John C. McGinley from Office Space.  "what would you say you do here?"  And oh freezing Jesus, the AC just kicked on in here.  Thankfully the cold is forcing me into hibernation, so I'm not hungry anymore. 
 
11:00 Well at least the procedure was quick, headed back to go get her.  Okay nurse lady, I get that she needs to wake up, but could you be a little less of a bitch about it?  I mean seriously, given how patient we've been up until now...no slack?  Really?  At least we're finally out of here. 

In case anyone wants the full list of all the mornings hits, here they are
-Office running late
-Deaf guy in a wheelchair having a conversation in Spanish roughly the volume of a jet engine
-Lady obsessed with Michael McDonald, and if she doesn't shut up, yammo gonna burn this place to the ground
-The procedure room door, when it closes, sounds like it's farting. 
-The guy having a conversation on his phone, telling someone about the ads in the magazine he's leafing through. 
-The guy (same guy actually) having a conversation with someone else about the ads in the same magazine.
-The guy (guess who) having a conversation about how he won't vote for a guy because he doesn't trust "those damn Chinese people".  Oh, but the good news is that he tells his grandkids "all the time" they are going to get taken over by China.  I do love passing on bigotry.
-$200 copay up front so we can't just leave
-300lb man came into the waiting room and IMMEDIATELY complained that they need "more space in here".  The irony of that comment made me laugh.
-Fighting the urge to go over and have a pseudo orgasm while slurping water from the fountain in front of all the people who can't drink.  But even I am not THAT much of a dick. 
-No toilet paper in the bathroom.
-One waiting room is 60 degrees, the other is 80. 
-If possession is nine tenths of the law, is perception nine tenths of reality?  If so, I'm in the twilight zone.